HOLY SHYT, I might be happy

ummmmm.......the only one thats on my mind

2006-07-22T06:03:25Z

wow, has it been forever since I have written in here. lol but I have something to write about now for real. its basically been the whole topic of my lj but tis time its different. I dunno. But heres a letter to mr.man (as I refer to him in here) ........just a few things that I need to get of my chest.

here goes...........

So many things to say but no where to start. I want to tell you how much I truely care about you and how much I really want you but I dont, for the fear that I would scare u off. Cause truth be told I miss seeing you everyday and I miss getting ugs from you and I miss just laughing constantly when I am with you. But i dunno its been so long since my last love that I dunno if I even have it in me n e more. Or is it just that my life is so busy I am afraid of getting close to you and losing you because I like you way to much to lose you. I know you love me but in what sense of the word would you consider your love??? I guess I am just afraid of the thought of the hurt that could come from anything and that is why I walk around with my gaurd up, but to be quite honest I like you so much that i would do anything to see you happy even if that means messing myself up emotionally. That seems t be the reasonthat last time I just let you go........cause you were happy, even if it was with her. Maybe I am over analyzing things but this is just how I feel. When I talked to you the other day you told me that I needed to start talking to you.......like really telling you how I feel and with this letter that is what I am trying to do. So please dont be scared off cause its not as intense as it seems, it is actually kind of mellow but I am just typing the first things that come to mind.
So now I am just going on........so I will leave it at this........I like you....and you know that....but I am truely afraid because you dont know the real me. The Mattie that has been. The things that I used to do.........and that is what I am afraid will scare you aways for the yourfear that Iwll do it again. But my word says that it wont.....so is that enough??
I dunno.........

Well there it is my letter to mr.man........lol
I just had to get that off my chest

<33 ya mucho
mattie jo

Hardship

2005-08-30T18:34:48Z

I guess hardship can hit you no matter where you are. I thought that when I got out of Hammond that none of this would be an issue for me. But last night when I was laying on the coach and my sister was on the internet. She got kicked off (cause we have crappy ass dial up) and I told her to gte off so that I coud find out if it was my dad that was trying to call through. So she got off and it turned out that is was my friend Amanda Igras that called her. So she called Amanda back and when they started talking my sisters face wnt blank. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG!!!

It turns out that my friend Mikey had gotten shot while standing on our friends porch. He was shot in then back with an M 16 and it was said that it blew his back away. From what I heard he went to the hospital and didnt make it trough the night. My sister called the hospital and talked to his Grandma and she said that they were cleaning him up for her to see him one last time.

I really honestly know what to say about all this. I grew up with mikey but never really started talking to him till he came home in July.

no one can say why this happened. He made his descisions, it just hurts so much cause it happened to soemone so close to me.

He will always be loved and remembered.

I stole this link from Theresa and took the test

2005-08-29T02:21:31Z

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable
Part Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play
You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party
Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare
And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

mrmans_wifie7 @ 2005-07-29T23:03:00

2005-07-30T03:15:14Z

::x::~:I stole this Survey Theresa who probally stole it from someone else, but whatever.....lol.....:P::x::~:

Animal: Dogs (Yorkies imparticular)
Baseball team: Chicago Cubs
Cartoon Character: Bart
Dinosuar: I cant actually say that I have one...sorry
Extra Cirrucular Activity: I loved debating.......but I think I am now in love with volleyball
Food: Chinese
Game: Spades
Holiday: New Years.........(New years partys are the best)
Ice cream flavor: Cookie dough or the green mint Ice Cream (The white mints is so nasty)
Jingle: The old quiznos commercials
Key(on the keyboard): D
Letter: J
Meal: Carbonara
Name: Jordyn
Oeacn: Atlantic
Pie: Pecan Pie with lots and lots of whipped cream
Queen: Elizabeth
Republican: Dedlow
Show: LAGUNA BEACH.....OMGoodness this show has totally captivated me....lol
Time of the day: 6:30 or 7:00pm
Underwear: blue and black thong with a hanging chain with a little guitar on it (I know I really shouldnt have put that on here but they asked and I told. lol)
Verb: Is
Website: www.livejournal.com
Year: 2005
Zoo: Brookfield

Thats all folks.

HAPP HAPPY JOY JOY.

2005-07-27T05:17:23Z

OMGoodness after two hours of talking I think I found out the best thing ever. HE DOES LIKE ME. lol. We talked forever and after I TOLD HIM that i liked him he told me that he liked me. I dunno maybe I am g etting worked up over nothing because maybe nothing could be coming from this but it made me happy just to know that my feelings werent for nothing.

Thats all kids.

lol

<3 ya'll

I <3 YOU CRAZY RICAN..........lol your the one.

DIONA WAS THE ONE FIRST AND STILL IS THE ONE BUT ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL. lol

What a busy week

2005-07-20T05:04:02Z

I know the week is barely past, but it has already been kinda chaiotic you could say. Sunday morning we were all supposed to going diving (Scuba Diving) but we all woke up to late, so instead we just planned a get together at my Granparents house. It was fun, we all got together ate and swam.

We had already arranged that we WERE going diving on Monday morning so we all got home and tried to get to bed early, but that really didnt work. We did go diving and it was really cool. It was me, my dad and my sister and we went out to a bone yard in the Gulf of Mexico. (What I mean by bone yard is that there are many prehistoric bones from like horses, whales, and even sometimes if your lucky you will find a bone of a Mammoth. What we were diving for particularly was sharks teeth. They are in ways hard to find because sometimes they are under the sand or like the one I found was really easy it was just laying against a coral head. It was a pretty good tooth but it the tip was cracked. I had fun though and it was a great time to catch up on a tan when we were going in and out on the boat. Later that night, when my step mom got home, She dyed my hair for me(t he normal red that it usually is for all of you that know me) and that pretty much concluded my day.

Today was a really lazy day. Most of the day I just layed around until about 4pm and then I got up and ate, took a shower and waited for my step mom to get home because we had an appointment to go and get our hair done. Patty, my sister and I went and Patty got her hair permed and my sister and I got highlights put in our hair. Ashley got copper highlights in her hair and I got blonde streaks that really look gold. IT IS SO PRETTY!! I think I am now more obbsessed with my hair than I every was and that makes me pretty obbsessed............lol j/p. But I think it looks really nice and I am glad I did it because in the beginging I was a little apprehensive about it.

Asides from all that, I find my self pretty captivated by a person who doesnt seem to feel the same. I dunno, maybe its just because when I like someone, I really fall in love with the IDEA of liking them. I have come to realize that it is not healthy but I dunno if I can give up on this particular person. Everytime I have felt this way about anyone they were taken in one way or another, and this person, isnt nessicarrily taken and I know that he likes me too. But as we talked before we both admitted that when we like someone we are afraid to tell them and if that is the case we will never have a chance. I know that I am going to open my mouth soon or later and I am going to tell him, but not right now. It is not a good time. I am three states away and if I hear something and egt hurt now then I will never be able to do anything in the future. I dunno maybe I am looking into to much but that is because I called him tonight and he told me he was going to call me back and right now I am just basically waiting for that call that I know I will probally never get. Maybe I will just stop worrying about it because things that are meant to happen, happen. RIGHT???¿¿¿

I DIDNT KNOW THAT A VOICE COULD BE SO CAPTIVATING
I NEVER WANTED TO FALL THIS HARD FOR YOU
I DIDNT KNOW THAT YOU WOULD BE THE ONE THAT HAD ME WAITING
I NEVER HAD FEELINGS THAT WERE SO TRUE

blah, blah, blah, MAN I HATE THIS, the feelign of not being able to get what you want. I dunno what I am doing wrong. I dont think that I am a bad lloking person, I am smart, outgoing and fun to be around. Is it my approach? Maybe I come off to be too shy. I dunno and if you do please tell me. lol.

Well I have to go for tonight lids, it is going on 1 a.m. here in florida.
Hit me up on the Celly if you wanna talk or just leave me a comment. Alrighty? Buhbye.

<3

Why bother?

2005-07-12T04:54:22Z

::~*~*~:: LONG DISTANCE PHONE CALLS THAT ARE WORTH NOTHING!! ::~*~*~::

Honestly, why do I even bother with anybody? I call LONG DISTANCE to talk to you. I talk to you for like 5 minutes and then you said you would call me back. DID THAT EVER HAPPEN? no it never will. The fact is that I dont think you are capable of picking up a phone and calling someone. Wait........yeah you are but her name begins with an "A" NOT AN "M". I mean, I really cant be jealous because I'm not your girl, but I sure in the hell want to be but I think I have the same problem you do.
Remember the day before the last day of school, we were talking on the phone and you told me that you can never gain the strength to tell a girl that you like them? Well I think I have the same problem but it is the other way around. I LIKE YOU, but I cannot find a way to tell you. Everytime I talk to you it seems to steer off and become about another girl and then more than anything I become your friend and give you advice when I really know what I want to be doing is telling you " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING OF? WE ARE TOGETHER YOU DONT NEED ANY OTHER FEMALE." but it just cant be that way.

I dunno, maybe I am stressing out and you will call me tomorrow but what I do know is that if I dont hear from you before I leave Florida on the first of August I will be REALLY PISSED!!

uuuggggggghhhhhhhhhh..............I just want to scream!!

Goodnight kids!!

mrmans_wifie7 @ 2005-07-11T01:00:00

2005-07-11T05:48:30Z

~:~:~**~:~:~ LATE NIGHT ELIGHTMENT HOUR ~:~:~**~:~:~

::**:~*~: After 2 hours of talking with my father about many random things, I actually feel rather enlightened. We sat and talked about Guitars with my brothers friend Zack. We'll to be quite honest, they talked, I listened and when I did decided to stick my two sense into the converstaion I made my self look like a complete idiot. Then, we started talking about our diet and what is good for us. (By the way I have lost 7 LBS.........big yay!!) He was telling me that he had just recently lost 3 LBS and that would make like 28 LBS total in loss. I was telling him it was because as him being a landscaper he is constantly working out and me just sitting around isnt helping my motabolism, then he preceeded to talk about school and the calastenics that they required to do in school. He said that they were pretty much required to take gym eevryday of all four years in high school. Man that wouldnt be hell!! It probally would keep me in rather good shape though!! Anyways, after that he just went on about random things saying that you really learn nothing nessicary from school and said that what school should really be teaching you is Accounting, Checking, Taxes, and stuff along that line. Those things in his mind are things that apply in normal life and when you really think about it he is really right. Those things that he was saying should be taught in everyday school are the types of things that we are going to be using in everyday life. Maybe this is why I like being around my father, because we are so much alike, everything we say is like open ended, like those stupid questions that you get on the ISTEP+ test, they really have no wrong or right answer and from that my dad and I can just sit down and if it came down to it talk for hours because in the respect that we are so much alike, there is no ending because we constantly keep each others minds going with new ideas. And since we are so much alike it can go for hours because we both are stubborn enough not to shutup until we have the last word. I dunno, I love my daddy. :~*~:**::

:*::*:~:: oN aNoThEr NoTe ::~:*::*:

~*~ Me and ashley go into an argument today. It was so stupid. SO UNESSICARY!!! But thats Ashley, so unessicary. As pitafull as it sounds the arguement was over a stupid blank CD. For her birthday my Grandparents got her a case of 80 blank CD's so she could burn CD's when she was here in Florida. Well I have been using the also because my dad told me he was going to by me some CD's also so I planned on giving her the amount of cd's that I took from her. Well today I went in there and took one and she flipped out I told her to shutup and it became this big ordeal. After I burned that Cd my dad was asking my step mom patty what was going on. She started telling it wrong so I told him what went on. Then ashley came out bitchin that if I would have just asked her to use a Cd that she would have let me. THAT IS LIKE, TOTAL BULL SHYT!! So my dad started flippin out on me saying if it was me if I would have liked if she would have done that. I preceeded to say that if the tables were turned that she would have done it If i like it or not. I dunno, it blew up into this big old ordeal and basically I just told my dad that he isnt there to really see what goes on. If it was the other way around, ahe wouldnt give a rats ass that she took that damn Cd!! Then he dropped the Converstaion. I AM SO OVER IT. ~*~

Honestly, I think I am getting home sick. I talked to my mom today and it was like, i dunno, my heart was left in Indiana. I miss my mom, I miss my doggies, I miss my friends (or at least talking to them) and I miss my northern crazy family. Dont get me wrong, I love being down here. The weather is great. It is such a vaction and I get to see all of my family which whom I love dearly but coming down here is like coming into a family that is already constructed and you are just a visiting tourist. Yes, they except you like family but they all have there day to day life and if you dont fit in somewhere you dont do anything. Surely we have our fun, we go diving and my dad tries his best to keep us busy, like we go shopping, and to the beach, we talk and go to the movies but to work around his busy work schedual is difficult. Plus the time we come down is their rainy season so if you dont have anything to do indoors you dont have anything to do. I dunno, I love it here and I love the family environment but I dont like the downtime. My own bed is calling me. Indiana is my home.

:: <3 :: I think that I am going to try and call david tomorrow. To be quite honest, there is not a day that has went by when I have been down here that I havent wanted to call him. I mean, when I talk to him I kida feel a sense of freedom, like I can say anything that I want to say and I will not be judged. Plus, I have so much fun just talking to him, he is an awesome guy that just constantly makes me laugh and that is why I like talking to him. BLAH. wow...........that all just came out of like no where!! :: <3 ::

::~<3~:: Diona, I mean what the hell is going on, you are never online anymore, never posting, never replying to my posts'. ARE YOU LOST. I need to call you too because you are my complete stabilty anymore. WOAH..........maybe because it is late ( 1:40 a.m.) all my feelings are coming out. Love ya girlie. ::~<3~::

LOOK ~*::*~*::*~*::*~*::*~*::*~>>>> 21 DAYS TILL I COME HOME and get to see my mommy and talk to my sweeties!!

Well it's probally my bed time. I will post later for you Kids. If only I could get something exciting going on with you guys maybe then I would feel like I am not being alienated in Florida. lol. Buhbye

<3 ya'll,

Mattie Jo

What A Day

2005-07-11T02:09:04Z

~*~ I mean what the hell, are CD's that damn serious that we just have to argue over them?

~*~ Hurricane Dennis has passed without a strike on us, just very strong winds.

~*~ Talked to my mom today. She ssems to be doing good, I guess her work is really doing a toll on her but i think in some obscene way she likes it. She said the house is quiet without us there but, duh, we are loud obnouxious teenage girls.

~*~ Burned 10 CD's as of today. (Owe my sister all of them back before she has a fit)

~*~ Still havent talked to david :(. Maybe if I called him.....lol

~*~ Bored as hell and no one is ever online

~*~ Cant IM because the potential fear of Viruses (What a load of crock!!)

~*~ Got sunburned like really bad, my whole body is pealing and my shoulders are like 2nd degree burns that hurt like hell. I really cant even bend my shoulder. It will go away. But when it does boy will I have the worst Tan line ever!! ugh.......

Thats about it.............

<3 all you!!

Hurrican Dennis

2005-07-08T16:30:34Z

Hurricane Dennis. Well since I am in Florida I am going to feel the rath of their Hurricane SEASON!! I guess you could say that I am kinda scared but I dunno, we are taking precautions right now, getting plywoood and getting ready to bored up the windows if nessicary. Well Thats all I wanted to say. I will post again after the storm (if we have pwer!!)

<3

mrmans_wifie7 @ 2005-07-07T14:44:00

2005-07-07T18:48:54Z

Hmmmmm...
Lately when I look into your eyes
Baby I fly, you're the only one I need in my life
Baby I just don't know how to describe
How lovely you make me feel inside

You give me butterflyz
Have me flyin' so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Have me flyin' so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz

It seems like the likely thing
From the start you told me
I would be your queen
But never had I imagined such a feeling
Joy is what you bring
I wanna give you everything

You give me butterflyz
Got me flyin' so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flyin' so high in the sky
I can't control these butterflyz

You and I
Are destiny
I know that
You were made for me

Ohhhhhh...
I can't control it
It's driven me Crazy
It's taken over me and I
Ohhhhhh...

You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flyin' so high in the sky
I can't control these butterflyz

You give me something I just can't deny
Something that's so free
I just can't control the way I feel
And I don't
You give me something I just can't deny
Something that's so free
Oh, I never felt like this

::*::*:~ aLiCiA kEyS iS ThE BeSt lYrIcIsT eVeR ~:*::*::

Those are lyrics from Alicia Keys' song Butterflies!

uh.you got to love that song.

25 days until I come home.

::*:: Diona, you should talk to david because we really should start planning our night at the movies because just my luck it will fall aprt at the last minute!! ::*::

<3 love you all!

Boring days........computer nights!

2005-07-04T05:59:20Z

I dunno. It seems to be that when I was moving and I wasnt on the computer that everyone wanted to be online, but now that I am in Florida and all I do is get on the computer NO ONE IS EVER ON!! I mean what the hell. It's not like I can just up and call you guys, i mean long distance isnt free nor cheap. I dunno.

I am done rambling.

::*:*:: oN tO sOmThInG mOrE cOnStRuCtIvE ::*:*::

Well I know that it is early, but HAPPY 4TH OF JULY to everyone. I hope no one sets themselves on fire or sits on a bottle rocket and has it blow up on your ass (woah...that was me. Nevermind.........dont ask).

Today (being the 3rd), well lets see, i didnt wake up till' 11 o'clock florida time, which would be 10 o'clock Indiana time and I ate a bowl of cereal and then started straightening my hair. (yeah, you have to love the straightening iron, it is the best invention in the world) Well then my step mom came in and asked me if I wanted to ride with her to BELLS to ge my sister a cute a$$ swimsuite for her birthda. I said yeah we went and came back, picked up my sister went to the BELLS in Venice to get some new shoes. Well they didnt have any i like so my sister got shoes. Then we came back and got ready for a party that was at my grandmas house for the fourth of july/my brothers birthday/my sisters birthday/what i didnt get for my birthday. Well we went to that had lots of fun being with the family again. (BESDIES I GOT THIS REALLY COOL SOUTH POLE SKIRT OUTFIT (thanks aunt jody and family) THAT IS SO CUTE). Afterwards, Me, My cousin Alyssa, My cousin Robyn, Her Fiance, and my sister went to the beach to see the fireworks and I guess we were at the wrong end of the beach or something because we didnt see any type of display all we saw were people on the beach lighting off fire works. But it was fun it got us out of the house. Then my sisters decided she wanted to stay at my cousins house and I came home.

Needless to say, I have been downloading music since I have been home. To be honest, I downloaded 5 cd's worth of music. A DANCE CD, A RAP CD, A R&B CD, A ROCK CD, AND A SLOW JAMS CD. I dunno, bored and not tired i guess so that is what I am going to do. I am going to burn these five cd's and then I am going to go to bed. Well i will post again later sometime. ttyl. buhbye. <3

p.s.

Why are you constantly on my mind?
Maybe I just want to talk to you.
I dunno, maybe I am just mad because I left a good thing behind.
Who knows?
Only time will tell what can evolve from this fairey tale.

*:::**:*:: JuSt A tHoUgHt ::*:**:::*

::~*~::*: DIONA i luv you sweetie, i miss talking to you so you need to start getting online okay?:*::~*~::

:~:~*~:~: DAVID,I would really call you but long distance isnt free.Sooner or later. PROMISE. :~:~*~:~:

why?

2005-07-01T15:51:01Z

WHY do i constently think about you?
WHY are you cnstantly on my mind?
WHY do you have to be in love?
and WHY does it have to be with someone that is not me?

JUST A THOUGHT.

accumlilating feelings......uuuuugggggghhhhh

2005-06-23T05:06:47Z

Watch the sunrise
Say your goodbyes
Off I go
Some conversation
No contemplation
Hit the road
I know I barely know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh No they can't
Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
I'll give you the sweetest goodbye
That you ever will receive
But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you.

~ This is a collection of lyrics from about 4 different Maroon 5 songs but they just seem to fit perfectly together to explain how I was feeling.

~ Diona I LOVE YOU, you are such great support and I dont think I will be able to bare leaving you. You have showed me that you shouldnt hold back your feelings and I am trying to work on that. Can you tell? I know you know who this page is about too. lol. I LOVE YOU DIONA JANE!!

Everything in a NUTSHELL

2005-05-24T04:09:10Z

Well life has been crazy. Many things to talk about and no time to be online anymore to update so here is everything in a nutshell.

-MY JOB:
Well my Job went to hell about 4 weeks ago. IT SUCKS. Things werent going very well anyways. My boss was stealing money from there to support his crackhead girlfriend and my other boss was a gambler. I think the only two decent people in that place were me and my co-worker Michelle.
-WHY I GOT FIRED:
That day I got fired over some wilted lettuce, but there is way more to it. For about 2 weeks we had been arguing over some missing money and we couldnt figure out where it was going. My boss mark had the audascity to say "WELL RUSSLE, WHY DONT YOU JUST RUN THE TAPES, WE WILL FIGURE OUT WHO IS TAKING THE MONEY BECAUSE MICHELLE AND MATTIE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO RUN THE REGISTER." Well didnt that just tip my tea kettle. I told Michelle and she got pissed to. We both know he took the money but we were getting blamed for it. So from then on I started checking my register everytime he was in it because if it came up short that came out of my pay and I guess he didnt like that. So he said he was going to confront me about it but never did. So I acted like nothing happened, because if he really had a stick up his ass about it he would have said something. Then I show up to work (on my last day) and I ha d afew orders for sandwhiches, I made them and when I was puttin them together I realize that the lettuce was wilted and I showed my boss that I couldnt use it. He insisted on the fact that I had to use it and I told him that I was not going to put that on no ones sandwhich. He went on to say "Dont start with me today Mattie, I almost had to snap on Russle and now I have to hear your mouth, I am about ready to fire some people." So I told him, what are you going to do Mark, fire me? and he said you know what, leave. I was out. Thats how that happened.
-BOYS, BOYS , BOYS:
Well lets start from the old to the new. JOSHUA: Well for those who dont know that is my ex-boyfriend for who I have no feelings what-so-ever for but he doesnt leave me alone. Now that he goes to my school things have gotten worse. The other day he told me it didnt matter if I went back out with him or not because he got my virginity thats all he wanted he dont need me no more butI would say I have about 30 letters from him saying the same thing about how come I wont go out with him. I mean duh, are you fuckin stupid?? Needless to say, it is a relationship that I will not put myself through again!!
BILY: That is who I was crushing on for a while. He is a really cool dude and I would love to be able to be with him but he is totally happy with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is a really awesome chick too so I think they are good together. As long as he is happy with what he has in his life then its cool. I am not going to be all on his tip like I was before. STEPHANIE AND BILLY~ YOU ARE AWESOME PEOPLE AND I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY. JUST TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW, IM ROOTIN FOR YOU!! (L0L)
DERRICK (Dorky Derrick or DROB): LOL, just to let you know dorky derrick is just a name that I made up to piss him off he really isnt dory he is really hott!! Derrick and I used to go out in 7th grade. We went together for 2 months and then it just went to hell cause he broke up with me for no reason. Well needless to say last year he moved to St.Louis and he was off my mind. Now he's back and goes to my school and feelings are really coming back. I cant say that I know for sure that he feels the same way, but we share the occasional kiss. ;) He's a really cool dude but I dont nessicarrily know if he wants to be with me so, I guess only time can tell. (I'll keep u updated on this)
-MANIC MONDAY:
Today was crazy as hell. I went to my firends house and her sisters boyfriend was there and he was drunk. Whne I walked up he was asking me what I was doin tonight and shit and I just blew him off. I went in the house and started talking to everyone and then he came in. I moved to the couch and maybe 10 mins later he moved over there too. The dog was sitting in between us. He was petting the dog and then all of a sudden I fell him ouching my leg. I looked at him and he started hitting the dog like it was the dog. I blew it off. Then he did it again but this time I said his name. Then his girlfriend called him and I went over there and told her what happened. She called him to the table and I told her everythign right in front of him and he blew up. He started saying that I was just an overweight little girl that was just mad because I couldnt get no one and that I was lucky that he didnt beat my ass and all this bullshit. And I told him and her that this wasnt the first time because he had asked me for my phone # one other time when he was drunk and I had her sister to back me up on that one. But he didnt remember because he was drunk. so he stopped and said someone give me lighter and I will leave. (He was standing accross the table from me) Then I saw him looking at me mean as hell and the next thing I know he is throwing a beer at me. I was soaked. I had to take a shower at my friends house and wear he clothes all day until My clothes got out of he washer. IT SCKED because now I started this whole rivalry for just trying to do the right thing. All I wanted to do was let her know what was going on before she took it the wrong way. I felt really uncomfortable being there afterwwards becuse I didnt know what to say, what to think. DID I JUST CAUSE AN END TO A 12 YEAR REALTIONSHIP OVER SOMETHING THIS LITTLE? OR DID I DO THE RIGHT THING AND TELL HER? She swore to me she want mad at me and that she was so happy that I told her but will that change in the morning when she sobers up? I LOVE HER LIKE A SISTER AND ALL I WAS TRYING TO DO WAS GET OUT OF THE SITUATION AND LET HER KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON BEFORE IT WAS PRECIEVED THE WRONG WAY. IS THAT WRONG? I dunno it is just really racking my brain right now, I guess I will find out the damage tomorrow.

Karma

2005-03-25T05:38:00Z

Josh~ This entry is particularly for u because like I keep sayin, the funny realization of our whole situation is the fact that u broke up with me, SO WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THE VICTIM???

WHAT GOES AROUND
COMES AROUND
WHAT GOES UP
MUST COME DOWN
NOW WHO'S CRYIN'-- DESIRIN'--
TO COME BACK TO ME???!!!

You know what KARMA is a mutherfucker and it seems like you are the one taking it josh ,huh? I mean come on seriously, for one, YOU BROKE UP WITH ME so really how much pain are you obviously feeling? You say u did it because I cussed you out for 3 days. I am not denying that fact but it was well justified in my head. You would have done the same thing if someone who supposedly loved you told you fuck you bitch go to hell and die everyday that u were together.You've had 3 girlfriends since we broke up. and I bet you werent thinking of me when u were fucking them were u? I am sorry that you feel like you cant move on but I dont know what to tell you. WE BROKE UP 5 MONTHS AGO. GET OVER IT, GET OVER ME GOSH DARNIT. lol, I mean honestly in this whole situation I am not trying to be mean because I do wanna be your friend but you cant see the fact that that is all I want. If you honestly loved me you would settle for that because you wouldnt want to loose me altogether. I dunno, fucked up situation and I honestly want nothing to do with it anymore. And if it keeps going like this I want nothing to do with you. I told you all I want to be is friends and you dont want to listen so w/e

well g2g people love ya

LOVE PEACE AND CHICKEN GREESE
mattie Jo

Love ya MR. MAN <~~ you know who u are

mrmans_wifie7 @ 2005-03-21T23:08:00

2005-03-22T05:09:21Z

A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR KWIZZLE'S DOG KAYLA............

~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~*SILENCE*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OKAY, EVERYONE SHE WAS A GREAT DOG, spark one for her krystal!!

wasssssssaaabeeee?????? lol

2005-03-22T05:00:18Z

Hey people,

Times in hammond tend to be crazy, I mean I dunno, I thought everything was all good a dandy but in a blink of an eye, things change. Only if emotions were like that I wouldnt be stuck. But thats besides the point. I am feeling so sorry for my sister right now, Her boyfirend broke up with her and she is taking it so hard!! I mean I knew he was going to do it because me and him are real close, but I couldnt tell her because he was confiding in me, he was trusting me with something. I guess now all I can do is be there for her because him and his guys friends are who we hang out with so it is going to be rally heard for her. Lets See, what else is new, well you can tell it is almost summer in Hammond, there was a shooting in front of my work. Speaking of MARKS PIZZA and LOUNGE is closing as of April first 2005. THAT FUDGING SUCKS!! I have to find a new job now, But i think I will take a break first. Speaking of April 1st, that is Jonathan Michael's birthday. Happy birthady CACA PUNK!! He will be 3. (Jonathan is my friend Amandas kid). An speaking of jonathan,Amanda, I am writing another peom for your brothers memorial, it goes a lil something like this,

On ______________ an angel was born
(John's bday)
Now it's __________ years that we mourn
(His age b4 death)
He was an uncle, a brother and a son
He walked out the back door
Not knowing he would be the one
When the shots were fired
everyone shook
Hoping that it wasnt johnny's life
that the bullet took

theres a lil piece of it amanda, I have to finish it before it gets warmer so we can set up his cross and shyt.

well lets do shout outs~~

DIONA JANE~ MY SWEETIE~ girl I am sucha bad infulance on you, lol or I am bout to be, lol, oh well we are going to have fun, what am I talking about we always have fun. were like to peas and together we form the pod. lol (that was a good analogy) lol. I LOVE YOU

Shirley~ I love ya chica, this shyt between you and sara will pass you guys were friends once you will be firends again but you know what you both need to make an effort because as much as it is her fault, it is yours too. A friendship contains two people for a reason and that is so you guys can talk and what is obvious to me neither of you make an effort to see what is bothering one another. But you know what I still love you no matter what and I am tired of seein you depressed.CHEER UP DAMNIT!! :P GRIFFITH HERE WE COME!! Dr.Phil Signing off!!

BILLY~~ I love you boy!!

Josh~~ Asses get NO WHERE in life!! Keep that in mind

Sissy (ash)~ keep you head up sweetie, he is just a guy, there will be many more, better ones, ones from griffth with money!! OH YEAH!!

FOR ALL THE GUYS TO REMEMBER~~IN THE WORDS OF AMANDA~

GIRLS DONT JUST WANNA GET LAID OR MAKE LOVE, SOMETIMES GIRLS JUST WANNA GET FUCKED!!

LMAO...........SIGNING OUT
LOVE PEACE AND CHICKEN GREESE,
MATTIE JO <3

A Better Day

2005-02-22T04:25:38Z

There might just be a better day. lol.....my week had been going just absoulutely shitty and now monday is here a start of a new week and it looks a little brighter. The only downside to my day today is that I had to go to work and leave my friends. But even then that wasnt really bad because I sat on the phone with them when I was at work. I wasnt really being lazy tho because I did orders too so in a way I was multitasking and doing it well. ll. I dont know I am a nut.

On the flip side of that last night was interesting. I talked to Billy, (that should say enough :P ) and he jst started snapping on me. Wait, let me start from the begining, I signed online when I got home from being out and I have 4 offline messages. I check them and 3 are from Stephanie (Billy's Girlfriend) and 1 from Bill. The offline messages from Stephanie sadi some shit like "Do you always start something you cant finish" or something like that and Billys just said "Mattie" so I said hi to billy and he just snapped off. It was all because my friend Ashli has my IM password and was talking shit to Billy's girl and he was PISSED!! Then I explain it to him and he was cool but I wanted to let her know what happened. Well I started talking to her and she is really cool. I mean before I started talking to her it was like I was trying to find a reason to hate her but the only reason that constant was the fact that she had him. But you know what now that I have talked to her I have no reason to dislike her or anything like that. If anything I can see why Billy likes her ans I would like to become friends with her because she is what makes him happy and I dont want to ruin that. They are both really nice, cute people, and as much as it hurts me to say this (Because I acnt have him) I AM HAPPY FOR THEM.

STEPHANIE AND BILLY~ OKAY I AM DONE BEING PETTY. I AM HAPPY FOR THE BOTHE OFF YOU AND I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK

BILLY
TOGETHER ~N~ FOREVER
STEPHANIE

Okay, I can tell I am rambling again, but you know what I am tired so I am going to go because I am going to make a fool of myself by what I say. lol.
LOVE PEACE AND CHICKEN GREESE. <3

I feel like I have teretts syndrom

2005-02-18T02:17:48Z

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH................All I want to do is scream. Man. I feel like I have teretts syndrom it's really terrible. FUCKING BULL SHIT ASS MOTHER FUKCING PIECE OF SHIT ON MY BIG ASS BALLS!! lol, see what I mean. That is how shitty my week has been. Okay, let me brake it down for you. This shitty ass time all started Saturday morning. Saturday morning I woke up with a phone call from my sister saying that my friends house just got raided and they are all in jail. Well for some starnge reason I didnt believe her so I called over there and their Grandma broke down on the phone and told me everything. All becuz there uncle had to bring a hoe from Whiting out here they all got busted for her drugs. It's gay. Now they are all facing 5 to 15 years because of this stupid slut when it wasnt their fault. Now I am losing my friends that are practically my brothers. Sunday, I woke up with a phone call from my friend Booda. Man was I so happy to hear from him because that told me that him and everette were in Whiting and they didnt get in trouble with the rest of the guys. Me and him stayed on the phone for an hour crying and saying how we are going to miss the other guys, and we dont know what we are going to do. Then we hung up because I was going to breakfast with my mom. When I got back he called and told me that the guys were out of Jail. MAN WAS I FUCKING HAPPY, I was so happy man I could of just jizzed myself (Thats a figure of speech). They all came over that night and I was so happy. (Booda and everette were still in Whiting.) Monday, This is the first day that I actually got to spend with my boys (Booda and Everette still in whiting) , VALENTINES DAY, they came and got me from school and we chilled at my guy Kyles house all day. Well see the shitty part was that I forgot I had to work that night (at 6pm) and at 5:58 my mom calls my phone and reminds me, well I am behind Rally's and I have to walk all the way home (by colombia park) get changed and walk all the way back to work (Marks Pizza) by 6pm. Needless to say I walked to work made the dlivery guy take me home to get changed and bring me back. I was still late. Tuesday, Man was I so happy, I was going to get my hair cut. Or so I thought. I will get back to that. Well I am off work on Tuesdays so I thought I would have a good day. It was all rainy but The boys called me and ashley to come to bible study. So her and I went over there about 5pm and it didt start till 7pm so they wanted to walk to the store. I said screw that I am not walking in the rain and went home. I called My cousin David and he said that he would be here about 7:30, 8:00 with his g/f Cj to cut my hair. Well now ashley and the boys are walking out the door for bible study and I was going to stay to get my hair cut. 7:15pm dave calls me, they're not coming. MAN WAS I PISSED OFF. I cancled my day and now I cant do shyt. Wendsday, got off of school came home and they boys are here WITH BOODA. man again I could have jizzed myself dude I swear to BOB.(Figure of speech) I gave him a big hug and was so happy and then I got dressed for work and we went to kyles. (There was no way I was being late again today). I went to work and came home, went downstairs and saw john and ky;e, i asked wheres Ashley, oh shes in the other room with booda. Well, I dunno me and Booda have been very flirtacious lately and he told me some shyt on the phone that made me melt but I come home and he's with my sister. I dunno it made me feel real shitty and used and all that good stuff. But I look at it like this, She's his ex and they are going to do what they are going to do because when it comes down to it she can have him because i would drop anything right now for Billy. But thats besides the point. Today, well today half day of school,,,, YEAHHHHHHHH, I text my sister and tell her to meet me at the store and we would walk home together. She told me no I am laying down. OK, then I asked her who was here, she said just me and Booda, well that made me feel shitty already. I came home the werent doing nothing just chillin playin Xbox. The Ttarted came over and we were chillen. Well my mom was going to take me to get my hair cut when she got home. 3pm. so we were going to have the boys out by 10 till. well my mom walked in at 2:30. FUCKING STUPID CUNT ASS MOTHER FUCKER. (Theres the teretts again. lol.) man we were in trouble. Needless to say we cant go anywhere today, we lost her trust, I cant get my hair cut until saturday, and Booda isnt aloud here for a week. I dunno, I wish this was all over. All this Bullshyt,
MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I AM ON MY RAG.
LOL I KNOW YOU GUYS WANTED TO HEAR THAT.
TO MUCH DRAMA FOR LIL OLD ME.

STUPID ASS MOTHER FUCKING PENIS LICKER. (i dunno why but I am so mad I just want to shout extremely obscene things)

IT SEEMS LIKE I ALWAYS HAVE TO PUT ON A HAPPY FACE BUT DEEP INSIDE I KNOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS CRY, NOTHING CAN EVER GO RIGHT.

BADUDDA BOODA~ DO YOU KNOW THE TERRIBLE CONFUSION THAT YOU CAUSE ME? WE TALKED ON THE PHONE FOR AN HOUR AND YOU TOLD ME THINGS THAT COULD MAKE ME MELT, BUT WHEN YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET, YOUR IN BED WITH MY SISTER.

BILLY~ ME AND YOU SEEM TO BE NON EXISTANT, I WANNA BE FRIENDS MORE THAN ANYTHING AND IT SEEMS LIKE WE CANT EVEN BE THAT. WE TALK AND SHYT LIKE THAT BUT EVER SINCE YOU FOUND OUT HOW MUCH I LIKED YOU YOU BACKED AWAY. YOU BARELY SAY HI ANYMORE. CAN WE SAY "EMOTIONAL ROLLAR COASTER"?

STACEY(SIS)~ NO I AM NOT MAD AT YOU, I HONESTLY DONT THINK I CAN EVER BE I LOVE YOU. BUT THE REASON I HAVENT BEEN TALKING TO YOU IS BECAUSE YOU'VE CHANGED. I DUNNO IF IT IS FOR THE BETTER OF FOR THE WORST BUT I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGED. WHEN YOU LIVED OUT HERE WE WERE TIGHT AS HELL, WELL HAD FUN AND WE WERE CLOSE. NOW WE ARE STILL CLOSE BUT YOU ARE IN COLLEGE, YOU ARE THIS CRAZY PARTY ANIMAL (FROM THE WAY YOU EXPLAIN IT) AND IT SHOWED WHEN YOU CAME OUT HERE. I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED IT AHSLEY DID TOO. YOU WERENT EVEN HERE A WEEK AND YOU HAD BOODA. I MEAN I GIVE YOU YOUR PROPS FOR THAT BUT YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE YOU WENT TO COLLEGE. NOW YOU HAVE THIS I DONT CARE ATTITUDE THAT IS RESPECTABLE BUT I DONT KNOW IF IT IS SO RESPONSIBLE. I DUNNO, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SIS BUT I NEED TIME TO CLEAR MY HEAD AND FIGURE OUT IF I LIKE WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I KNOW THAT I CANNOT CHANGE YOU AND GOD KNOWS I DONT WANT TO BUT I CANT HELP EXPRESSING HOW I FEEL. JUST BE YOURSELD, AND I DONT KNOW IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW. I KNOW THE REAL YOU, I HAVE KNOWN YOU FOR 11 YEARS AND THIS JUST ISNT YOU.

Well enough rambling, I hope I didnt offend anyone but I am just extremely truthful about how I feel and I cant help that. I love everyone. Love peace and chicken greese,
Matti Jo <3

mrmans_wifie7 @ 2005-01-12T13:15:00

2005-01-12T19:15:03Z

I'm

SINGLE AND READY TO JINGLE!!

Hey

2005-01-12T19:11:41Z

man it's been forever. LOL I really havent written in here except for right after Christmas. Well to brake it down to you I really havent been doing anything special. I go to school, Work, Work, Work, and um..............sleep. lol how interesting huh? Well as of now I am supposed to be grounded because remember I was talking about my girl amandas party earlier? Well my mom found out that my sister and I were drinking at the party. lol. Its not like I got completely shitfaced................I just had fun .lol. Yeah but needless to say it got me grounded!! oh well.........good things come with consequences. Besides for that school is good.........spanish is easy as hell.......Biology is easy but I fall asleep so right now I am not doing so good........but I am working on it, trying to stay awake. English is a piece of cake and debate is pretty good. By the way, for all you people who dont know I am doing mock trial. (BY THE WAY THERE IS A MANDATORY MOCK TRIAL MEETING TOMORROW 1-13-05 AFTER SCHOOL.)

I guess you can say I kinda gave up with swimming. I mean I love that damn sport I mean going into High School I was going to make that my life along with my studies but since my ear messed up there is no use for me to go. I cant swimm and to me it is hard to go to practice and try to teach because I like teaching hands on and I cant get in the water and I get frustrated so to some it up I kinda just stopped going. lol. I will go once in a while but its not my life no more.

Well got to go I really need to start my debate paper. Buhbye
<3

mrmans_wifie7 @ 2004-12-29T00:23:00

2004-12-29T06:31:42Z

lol, my day consisted of going to Target to get some clothes.....and then one the way home stacey just had this impluss to stop and get her tounge pierced so we did. OMGoodness that was so crazy!! Besides for that then I took a shower and decided to go to my girl amandas house for her birthday party. (Amanda Igras, some of you might know her, yeah she the big 19 now) Man that party was so FREAKING cool. lol. Bu you know what every slow song that came on basically just some way or another related back to billy. damn I mean I know I havent talked about him in a while so I think I am due. LOL. every damn song that was a slow song some way or another related back to billy and shit. man I dunno I mean for a while he was off the brain man.....like whatever if he wanted me then so be it but I mean I am single and I havent been single in like 3 yrs and now I am hatin it. I like someone to hold and to kiss and some to tell you they love you. lol. okay I am going a lil far but I till am so entergetic from that dammn party!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! lol........Well maybe I should go to bed!! I think I am going to. Love peace and Cjicken Greese My homies My sweeties My "G"'s.

My day!!

2004-12-26T17:55:53Z

Well I know that as of right now my day cannot consist of a lot but I feel like I did accomplish something!! Well yesterday was Christmas and To put it in a short story I was home for all of like 5 minutes!! Man I felt so bad so when I came home I printed out all these little notes saying "I love you" "I care about you" "You will always be my friend" and stuff like that and then made it into like a tresure hunt for my mom to find all these notes with clues for the next one. When she finally got to the last one it said "How bout a girls morning out, just me and you? Wake me up at 9:30 a.m. and we will go out to breakfast. You choice of Restaurant, my treat." So she woke me up and we went out to breakfast and it was really nice. I mean of course my sister didnt go (lol) she thinks we have kudies or something but It was my way to make up for not being there most of Christmas day. She had fun and I am stuffed so I am going back to bed. Buhbye!

OH YEAH...........Merry Christmas everyone!! (Sorry its late!)

Billy- You didnt call me so I didnt call you.
Diona- I luv ya Sweetheart and I hope the Lord brings you nothing but blessings.
Nicole- Hope you had a really good Christmas, By the way what did Zack get you?
Theresa-I dunno what to say except for Merry Christmas.

Krystals in town!!

2004-12-20T04:48:59Z

OMGoodness..........lol Krystal's in town lol. I dunno what it is about Krystal that makes her stand out but she is just an awesome friend and she is back in town. You what that means? TIME TO PARTY!! LOL. That means Mattie, White Mike, LIL Chris, Krystal and maybe even my sister all at Krystals house just chillen like they old days. lol I a talking like I am a million years onld but you know what I love going over there, we have so much fun!! I dunno maybe its just because we are all goofy and fun to be with, thats probally why we all ahng out, lol. Well I g2g I am talking to her making plans right now. Buhbye.